iPhone games are those things we do when we don’t want to don’t want to acknowledge the rest of the world. We rarely bring them up in conversation, but when we discover someone plays the same game, we freak the out and discuss strategies as if there were some cash prize involved. We love our apps and they would love us if they were sentient beings (not totally convinced they aren’t) and like all guilty pleasures, they say a lot about our personalities. Here’s your personality in a nutshell depending on your game (drug) of choice.
Let’s start with Jewel Mania:
You are easily distracted and your spirit animal is probably something spazzy like a squirrel or baboon. This game counts on your penchant for giving shiny objects your undivided attention no matter where you are or what you’re doing. I once opened it while driving and only until I realized I was driving through a mall did I stop playing. The game has tapped into my subconscious, and I am now its zombie slave. Beware, my shiny-loving friends. Beware.
For whatever reason, you love waiting until the last minute. You live for the feeling you get as your work piles up right before a deadline. You also repress your emotions, stacking them neatly next to one another until one gets misplaced and begins a nasty pile up. You’re mantra is, “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?” Then tomorrow comes and your life is a chaotic mess and you love every minute of it, don’t you? You masochist. I hope your spouse likes drama.
Words With Friends:
You’re an old soul. You’re also likely to have just gotten a smartphone because in the myriad phone games, Scrabble is something you recognize and something you can do with a friend. You’re not at the point where you can get engrossed in a game to point of ignoring the rest of the living, breathing world. That doesn’t mean you’re not competitive though. In fact, your competitive edge is sharpened by a living, breathing opponent on the other end of the line. Playing against yourself and a computer is not victory enough. You have to crush your friends in a pleasant game of virtual Scrabble that certainly won’t end in any burned bridges. Keep in mind, the game is Words with Friends, not Enemies.
I don’t want to alarm you, but you might be a shut in. Risk, the game of strategy and epic battles, is the nerd’s main fix. It’s every nerd’s dream to command an army of one’s own, and Risk endorses this. While you may be at the bottom of the popularity totem pole, you don’t really care. You’re knack for strategy has only sharpened your brain. You like power, and you can handle it. You don’t bat an eye when you have to delegate (read: micromanage) a project. You were hung by your tighty-whities in high school, but you’ll be writing your bullies’ paychecks soon enough. That, or you have extreme delusions of grandeur and someone should intervene before you get carried away and colonize a Starbucks.
You never seem to know what you’re about to get into. Usually, you start something because it looks easy, kind of like this game’s first level. You look at it and you’re like,
Eventually, however, things escalate, and you panic:
But this is where your saving grace comes in. Though you underestimate at first and panic when things get hairy, you find it within yourself to truck on through. You take your un-welcomed, un-expected anxiety by the throat and crush it with victory.
Total thrill seeker. You love being scared out of your mind. You watch horror movies by yourself, you refuse to keep your hands down on roller coasters, and you don’t even put sauce on raw oysters. Some call you sick, and they’re probably right. But you don’t care, you actually love it; watching people react to your stupid bravery is only lights more of a fire beneath your butt. As soon as you saw this face:
you were like, yes, I want to get on this gold statue’s level. You figure life is too short to not enjoy it, so you’ve got to see just how far your nerves can go. I hear you, sister, let’s watch Mama and go camping without a tent right after. BRING IT ON.