1. Pee in the shower
All right, all right, relax, RUH-lax. I know you’re grossed out, but you don’t need to be. You already know that urine is sterile. And, according to my brother, who finished boot camp for the National Guard last summer, his drill sergeants ordered the cadets to pee on their feet in the shower. It’s so sterile that it helps prevent, and get rid of, foot fungus. Not to mention, every time you don’t pee in the toilet, you’re sparing a flush. Don’t worry, your water bill won’t judge you.
2. Wet your toothbrush with a spray bottle.
For a good ol’ toothum scrubbin, you only need a little bit of water to wet your bristles. Keep a spray bottle nearby and give your toothbrush a few spritzes and save a little agua.
3. Where plastic gloves.
If you’re doing anything that requires you to wash your hands afterward (painting, cleaning, nose-picking) wear a pair of plastic gloves so you don’t have to wash all that mess of your mits. You can get a hundred gloves for a ridiculously cheap amount of money.
4. Catch unused tap water in a jug.
While you’re waiting for the tap water to get warm, collect the cold water in a jug to use later, rather than let it run down the drain.
5. Wash vegetables in a bowl.
Same concept as #4; keep the water from running straight down the drain by washing all your veggies in a bowl with a smaller amount of water. Veggies clean, water saved, two points for the good guys.
6. Water plants in the morning or evening.
I’ve seen so many plants die by my hand that I only own fake ones now. If you are taking on the quiet responsibility of nurturing a living thing, then water it when it’s cooler out. Watering in the afternoon, or as the Rugrats called it, “No Shadow Time,” most of the water will evaporate before the plants have time to drink it.
7. Color your toilet water.
Put some food coloring in your toilet water to see if you have a leak. If the coloring passes through the bottom before you flush, you’ve got a leak, govna’. Fixing a leak can save you gallons of water per month.
8. Add a patio.
If you’ve got some lawn to spare, build a patio to replace some grass that would need watering. You can still keep some green around, but without having to water both plants and grass, your water consumption will feel some relief.
9. Utilize leftover water.
If you don’t want to replace your green with red bricks, think of how you can use a half-full glass (look at that, I’m an optimist) of water, or some melted ice cubes, or water leftover from cooking noodles. The plants won’t care if the water tastes a little like pasta or has your cooties in it. In fact, I bet they love it.